400 Days of Surrender — Night 12 & 13: My biggest teacher
New to this series? You can find Day 1 and why I’m writing this here.
As I’m writing this, I’m still in the afterglow of it. Friday evening, I arrived an inconspicuous building in Westminster, London. It’s where I will be spending the weekend lying on a few pillows on the floor together with another dozen people. Over the next 48 hours we were to go through 4 ceremonies in this sequence: mother, father, mother, father.
What am I talking about? Mother is the name for Ayahusca and father stands for Huachama (San Pedro). They are psychotropic plants with the active ingredients of DMT (mother) and mescaline (father). Aya has the magical power of showing us what we need to see for us to be able to heal our emotional, spiritual and physical wounds. It’s an incredibly potent medicine, a healing agent.
If you are looking for a fun trip, this is the wrong place. Mother shows you what you need to see not what you want to see and she can show it loud and clear as she did with me this weekend, again.
After I have taken my cup of the brew, I lied back and wait for it to come to live. The brew was making its way through my stomach into my bloodstream to get into the brain and dock on to my natural DMT receptors we all have in the brain. I started seeing geometric figures and electromagnetic lines throughout the room. Then it hit me and I felt the need to make it to the bathroom. That room would become my prison for the next hours that felt like eternity as time was standing still.
I sat down to poo (it’s part of the physical and energetic healing that you purge — throw up, shit, burp, breathe out heavily). While sitting there it hit me and was presented with a painfully impossible choice: If I truly was seeking truth, I needed to prove how much I wanted it by stripping naked, jumping into the bed with the shaman and his wife and then jump out of the window because life is really beyond the body. The alternative was to stay asleep, not understanding what seems to be the mystery of life.
In this dilemma, I would crawl across the tiny bathroom floor which had become my prison as I could not make that choice. It was painful and it felt like time stood still and everyone was waiting for me to make a decision (to pick truth and do what needed to be done) and come out of the bathroom. As I was continuing to contemplate my dilemma it suddenly hit me: I didn’t have to choose one over the other, there was a third possibility: to do it my way.
The moment I realised that my chest became warm, my heart opened and I felt immense relief and gratitude for being alive, for me life, for all the people in my life and that I can do this type of work. I got up from the floor back to my pillow bed where I would try to process what I just saw and find some sleep.
I forgot to mention that mother did not make me purge but asked me to show her how much I wanted to release the emotional trauma. So I found myself hanging over the toilet pushing two fingers down my throat and I had not idea how far you can actually push them down. And then I threw up and immediately felt huge relief and a lot lighter.
This was a very intense and difficult night and that’s the price of healing. That’s probably why many people stay away from this type of work because it is difficult but the pay off is many times more the temporary pain and challenges (just like with so many things in life). And every time and every person will have a very different experience so don’t let my graphic sharing discourage you from doing it. Mother will give you exactly what you need.
I was exhausted after this night and barely could imagine to do another such night. The closer the night came, the readier I felt. And this time, it would be very different. Mother was very gentle, very caring and the more I stop trying to control her but trusted and surrendered to her, the more she took care of me working on my stomach where I hold all my emotional trauma. Yes, all dis-eases we have are a product of emotional trauma and physically treating it won’t remove the problem, only once the emotional trauma is released, the disease will disappear.
So she worked on my stomach literally: It burped, bubbled, moved, she was seemingly doing surgery on me and the next morning I woke up lighter, freer and my stomach felt so quiet and peaceful like it never had.
Ayahuasca is probably the most powerful plant in the universe. She can heal spiritual, karmic, emotional trauma, is a powerful antiviral, and a couple of sessions can cure diseases like cancer, depression and diabetes. I know this sounds unbelievable but there’s very little she can’t do if you are willing to work with her.
Mother nature provides us with everything we need way better than any pharmaceuticals ever could. And so I find myself home, still processing of all the things I learned, full of love, lightness and gratitude that I have the opportunity to do this deep work and benefit from it. Thank you 🙏
Continue to Day 12: Your beliefs vs truth.
