Reflections on My Life’s Purpose — The 53rd Gene Key
After another evening of trying to understand what I am here to do, I reverted to my much loved Gene Keys. Every time I look at them, I find some new deeply resonating truths. And so today was no different. Here’s what I found this time.
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The 53rd Gene Key is part of the Ring of Seeking. Its shadow is Immaturity. Its gift is Expansion. And the highest expression of its gift (the Siddhi) is Superabundance.
The following are extracts from Richard Rudd’s audio readings of the Gene Keys that stood out for me this time (RR, in Italic) — together with my vulnerable reflections on my own life and challenges. I hope this proves useful in your own contemplations.
The 53rd Shadow: Immaturity
RR: The Shadow of Immaturity is about is about that we’ve not yet learned to look inwards for the resolution of our own problems. It’s about moving from externally fixated to internally grounded. We become a victim then of what life brings us when we become lost in the drama of our lives and the lives of the people around us.
Me: It’s funny to read this because in a way what I’ve been focusing on for the last seven years has been looking inwards. However, what I am noticing is that I am still evaluating my progress, my evolution by looking outside. My upbringing, Western culture, environment, my past worldly successes and parents are constantly reinforcing those. At least in part, I am measuring my inward/spiritual progress by how successful I am on the outside. And I am now realising that this is a contradiction in itself. It’s the very notion of letting go of that that is the evolution. To truly turn inside, not just partially, and by that the outside will then reflect it. Not the other way around — as we are taught to do.
As we grow up, as we learn from our mistakes and hopefully we become wiser and maturer. The dilemma of this shadow is restlessness. When the new consciousness arrives at school (earth), it has so much to learn. The greatest thing to learn is that the outer life to never offer genuine fulfilment. We seek pleasure or we run from pain until we begin one day to question the whole game of life.
“The outer life never offers genuine fulfilment “ — I have concluded this to be true both intellectually and by looking at my own life and that of others. It’s a never-ending rat race and, as I once read, “we are competing on an imaginary scoreboard.” Yet when I look at how I live my life, I still seem to believe that I need to focus on outward success in the traditional sense. This belief must really be deeply ingrained in me. It even feels like I should, even be entitled to be successful because I know I could be. So my mind asks: “Hey, why are you not doing something big again.” Yet something deeper in me, my soul, seems to say: “Hey, we got something more important to do here. Just keep going.” And at times I feel like I am sabotaging my life by not following a traditional success path. But reading this Gene Key reminds me that I am here for something else. And it reminds me of that what I know already: The outer life never offers genuine fulfilment. I have the big house, career, money, fame, etc. and then I die and so what? What was the point?
If you are enjoying this, you will enjoy reading “taking the headset off” where I dive into waking up from the illusion to the deeper meaning of life.
The 53rd Gene Key is part of the Ring of Seeking. It drives us to seek, a restless spirit has to go through this exhaustive search, this great quest, and eventually, that becomes the spiritual quest.
This is very much how it feels for me. I cannot not keep seeking. It feels like I have been wired to keep looking until I get to the bottom of things. If I were to do something more conventional, it intuitively feels like aborting the very thing I came here to do.
How fixated are you by the outer world, by the events of your life? It’s all brought to you through your karma, which had been created out of your past as your past lives. Everything is linked back to a cause. There’s a divine justice at work that is utterly invisible to us.
This reminds me of: Everything is a gift. All the obstacles in my life, the challenges, the struggles, the suffering, it’s all here for me to see what I need to see so I can evolve what I came here to evolve for. The very experience I am going through right now and the experiences I have gone through in the past, are all here to show me what I need to see. This year, I have spent more time with all my family members, especially more conscious time, than I ever have. It’s come with its fair amount of challenges yet the longer I stay with it, the more I am learning to accept and to let go. The better I become at being unconditionally loving. They have all been great teachers in that everything is here for me to grow and expand, especially the things that challenge and trigger me. When I confront myself with what’s uncomfortable, that’s where the juice is. And so I have been learning new levels of forgiveness, gratitude and letting go.
Ask yourself where your blind spots are. Where are you still playing the victim? It’s likely to be the biggest focus of your life right now. Suffering is like that. It dominates our consciousness.
That’s a wonderful question to contemplate. Where I feel like a victim, that’s exactly where my opportunity to evolve and grow is because everything is here for me. The suffering is here for me to show me something so I can move forward and thereby also get out of suffering. It really is beautiful how it works. It reminds me that I really am the master of myself. It’s in my control whether to suffer or not. And when I do, I know I “simply” need to change my perspective, I need to evolve. I need to move from victimhood into creatorship. And that’s the very thing I came here in life to do: To evolve. Suffering is my friend to get the job done. Thank you suffering.
The 53rd gift: Expansion
What does the process of maturity look like? Is there anything we can do to speed up the process? The question comes from the shadow, from restlessness. So the very question is wrong. It’s only when we begin to understand this question inside us that we begin to slow down. We begin to mature.
This really hits home. After seven years on the spiritual journey and sometimes the feeling that I am still at the beginning, I often wonder: “When am I done? When have I arrived?” This very question, while human, reflects my still young age in regards to the overall spiritual process. I guess when I no longer feel the need to ask that question, I will find myself in a different “place.”
The gift of expansion is really about the expansion of AWARENESS, the expansion of LOVE, the expansion of CREATIVITY. Those three taken together create perfect harmony.
I feel on a deep level I am seeking peace, harmony, presence and love. And a way to express and share my gifts with the world. But there are so many ways of doing that and so many fields I could be engaged with so that I feel overwhelmed where to dedicate myself to. Plus there’s impatience. So my question is: What does really matter? And to me, it comes back to expansion. I am here to expand. Expand in awareness, love and creativity. That’s what matters and that’s what creates the harmony and bliss I am seeking. And that’s what I “should” be living by. Everything else is secondary and a distraction. And of course, this is so very difficult to do because everything of that I know from my past careers and lives and what the world around me shows me is very different. It is focused on the material. And in these moments I need to be reminded, or remind myself, that I am playing a different game. I am playing my game. And only I know which is the right game for me. The game that advances me in this life. The game that brings me fulfilment.
Maturity is to allow expansion to ripple through the whole of your life. And the secret to this is actually EFFORTLESSNESS. Expansion comes WITHOUT EFFORT, it emerges naturally and slowly and quietly. And it brings CALM rather than excitement, it brings SIMPLICITY rather than complexity. It brings PERSPECTIVE rather than ambition.
Effortlessness. That sounds and feels wonderful. Calm, simplicity and perspective rather than ambition are signs of maturity. This again deeply resonates within me yet my mind wants immediacy, wants to get excited, comes up with complex business ideas and is very ambitious. My mind is my friend and foe. Friend because it is capable and powerful and has on its quest of seeking acquired a vast body of knowledge. Foe because it is driven by the world of the senses and by what it has been taught and learnt. It is missing the bigger picture of who I am as a being beyond my body. That also explains the yearning I have for the spiritual journey. It wasn’t initiated by my mind that knew nothing about it. It’s something that came from deep within me. My curiosity for understanding things began at the age of three when I started to take everything apart, any device, and it continues to this day where I am dissecting life with the purpose of finally understanding it and therefore “succeed” in it in a holistic sense — accomplishing in what I am here to learn. This very writing is an expression of that.
Excursion: The permanent atom
There’s this expression used for the soul: It’s called the permanent atom. So there’s this notion of there being a single atom in our being that is carried over between lifetimes. And it carries the charge of our karma with it. This is also called the causal body.
I found this fascinating. So I googled “the permanent atom” and came across this video also by Richard Rudd from which I captured the following insights in the form of soundbites:
Karma means I can’t blame anything outside of me. Everything is for me by me. One lifetime can be devoted to the polishing of a single virtue. Suffering is a tool to propel us to a higher level of consciousness, where we become aware of the transcendent. Every event in our lives is pointing us directly at that higher purpose, especially the suffering. How we deal with suffering is a reflection of how evolved our soul is: Blaming others and caving in vs. rising through suffering. Once we have burnt through our individual karma, we take on the collective karma: Tikkun Olam from the Kabbalah meaning: We come here to repair a broken part of the world.
This again drives home for me the question: Why am I here? Why are we as humans here? This clarifies again that merely living a comfortable life of pleasure can’t be it. Doing that seems to me like picking the easiest answer with the least resistance. And I know from my own experience and by working with and observing others that it is a dead-end. There’s a quote: “Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life.” It also reminds me of a powerful snippet of a video interview (2 mins) of Steve Jobs after he had been fired from Apple: “… once you learn that, you will never be the same again.” Watch the video to understand what he means by “that.” I can do a lot of things on this planet. This again points me to the question why am I here? What is my higher purpose task? I know that one element for me is continuous expansion — which is also what the 53rd Gene Key is about. And this Key points me to that the expansion is about awareness, creativity and love. But it’s hard for the mind to accept this. My mind keeps asking for some more tangible and material answers…
Consider my life from the perspective of reincarnation/rebirth: What am I dealing with right now and how am I dealing with it? Why not excel at my exam this time instead of coming back again and again for the same thing. Everything is for me. Every drama is created by my higher self so that I can transform it and transcend it. The central teachings of the Gene Keys: Every shadow contains a gift. So how many diamonds can I find in the darkness of my life? What is the highest service I can offer the whole during this life? And live that question.
One of the realisations I had on my spiritual journey that I need to remind myself of all the time: My life is not about me. I can make it just about me and my needs and wants but that is missing the point of life and hence does not help me in my evolution nor does it lead to the very fulfilment I am seeking. As Richard keeps pointing out: Everything we are experiencing in life is in our service. So the very dramas I am enveloped in — or rather I have enveloped myself into — are the very things I came here to learn. And from that point, the answer is: Accept the people around me no matter what they do or don’t do to me, love them unconditionally, trust my process, embrace and find peace in my journey. And beyond that use my learnings to empower others — those that are also wondering about life — both simply through my being as well as more actively when they seek me out for support. And this is probably at least part of the highest service I can offer during this life.
This concludes the excursion and brings me back to the 53rd Gene Key.
The problems of the world can only be solved within, when we go to the root cause. One of the primary means to transcend suffering is to serve others selflessly. So this selfless service is a part of our expansion. You can’t expand without serving others in some way. Service is a byproduct of love.
Above I joined two distinct points and realised that there lies an answer in the joining of them: “The problems can only be solved from within” and “to transcend suffering I need to serve others selflessly.” Suffering is something internal and it can therefore only be solved by addressing it from within and the way to do so is to serve others selflessly. Simple and very powerful. Yet my mind obviously worries about me, that’s how it is wired by nature, and hence selflessly serving is something challenging until reaching a certain point on the spiritual journey. That’s why the world is the way it is because as a global consciousness we are still very unaware. But of course, the world as a whole is made up of the sum of all of us individuals and the way to transform it is to start with me: By serving others selflessly.
The 53rd gift uses suffering to expand. That’s its greatest gift. It uses the difficulties and traumas of life as creative fuel. The 53rd Gene Key and its programming partner, the 54th, are two of the most driven energies in the whole Gene Keys matrix. They either drive you mad or they drive you towards enlightenment and great wisdom.
I had a few moments in my life where I felt I was going mad. And my spiritual teachers have confirmed that this is normal as one is moving from one paradigm (I’ll call it the earthly/material one) to a higher one (one of selflessly serving). For that, I have to throw out most of what I have been taught and believe and live life from a new place. And with the world constantly reinforcing the old belief system, this really can be a battle between great forces. My soul calling me to a life of service vs. my mind and conditioned personality thinking about how can I build a stellar life in the conventional sense. And this seeming dichotomy continues to pose a major challenge for me. A life of serving selflessly seems to be giving up on having a “successful” life. I intellectually realise that this is only a seeming contradiction based on the old paradigm but the subconscious is a powerful force in keeping me hostage to it. And that’s the very work I am here to do: Letting go of the old belief system. I have been working on this for a while and I am realising that, step by step, I will be bringing it to its completion.
The 53rd Siddhi: Superabundance
When we have all our material needs met, we soon realize that having money doesn’t make us happy. It actually makes us comfortable. But it doesn’t lead to fulfilment. It doesn’t take away suffering.
I addressed that point above but it’s worth reminding myself. Whenever I had more money or stability, it made my life easier but it didn’t really made it better. In fact on reflection, having less has made me more appreciative and has highlighted to me that the quality of my life really is not a function of how much I have (I wrote about what I learnt from losing a fortune here.) Of course, I would like to have more, I am a human in the end, but this reminds me that I know that more neither makes my life better nor does it reduce my suffering rather having less has forced me to continue to ask the deeper questions and therefore making progress on what I am here to do: Expand and grow and serve selflessly. (Writing vulnerably about it might be one way of many ways to do that.)
Superabundance means above and beyond abundance. What it really says is that abundance no longer matters. It’s beyond seeking. It lies at the end of the quest. The end of the rainbow. Superabundance is where everything springs from. Superabundance is being. It doesn’t care about whether there’s abundance or not. It’s beyond all agendas. It’s the luminous state.
Wow. This really sounds incredible. A state of simply being with no agenda and not caring anymore whether there’s abundance or not. What a life that would be. The luminous state — this is what enlightenment is about. Clearly, I am very far from that state but reading about the existence of such a state does get me excited — which in itself tells me something. Practically, it is a state beyond seeking. So the very thing I am doing right now I’d no longer be doing: The ability to simply be (vs. having to do and to have). It gives me a glimpse of what I need to look out for: A “place” of being where there’s no more looking for something. Sounds like the most amazing place.
This Gene Key (the 53rd), it makes us run. It wants us to run. A moment ago, I was talking about slowing down. And here I am now talking about running. Can you contain that paradox? When you run, you feel superabundance, the world actually kind of slows down. Now, after a while, it begins to fill you, the running runs you. So the focus here is not on the forms that come and go, nor is it on the waves that rise and fall from the source. The focus is on the source itself.
I love the paradoxes that the Gene Keys challenge me with. It’s only a paradox from where I am standing now. I have realised that with other subjects: There is a seeming contradiction from a certain perspective and once I evolved, there was no longer a contradiction. My current understanding of this is that it would not be a running after or towards something but rather an effortless high-speed movement because my being is so internally aligned with who I am that I seemingly flow through life and everything unfolds in front of me as I go.
How to expand your life and how to reach out and embrace wider horizons and touch more souls and open more hearts and more and more and more to life — is the essence of this Gene Key, of every Gene Key. But we can’t force maturity. We have to relax and simply let it come in its own time. And the more mature we become, the softer we become and the easier we are on ourselves. I think that’s what superabundance really teaches us: The fine art of letting go.
This is a beautiful summary of the whole above exploration: Life is about expanding, about growing. The more I expand, the less life is grounded in the material and the less it is about me but about serving others and doing so selflessly. The more I will touch people’s hearts and souls and the more a small part of the world will heal. And all of this I can do by “simply” letting go. Letting go of my needs, fears, desires, wants and giving in to who I am on a soul level (vs. the Vincent level) and accepting what I came here to do.
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